Sunday, 29 July 2012
So, last night I went out with my friend Katrina. It was a kind of upscale place, so we put on fancy dresses and made sure we looked pretty damn good. My dress was black with an open back and I went with silver jewelry and shoes. I thought I looked really good and the dress was amazing.
Now, I know that I'm not the tiniest thing, but I'm not ridiculously overweight either. You guys have seen pictures of me. You can vouch, right?
Well, I went with my friend Katrina to this bartending interview because they wanted her to come right before they closed. We got there and the guy is giving her his spiel about what he expects and how he runs his business and shit like that. He starts telling us about this new club he's about to open, so I ask him if he needs any waitresses. He turns and looks at and tells me that I would have to lose weight before he could let me be a waitress at his club.
By the time I walked out of there, I was in tears.
Whenever we were back in my car, Katrina asked me why I didn't say anything. I told her I didn't want to ruin her chances at getting a job. She was like, "You know what? Fuck that. If you had shown that you were not okay with it, I would have told that guy to fuck off and followed you right out."
I've never had someone look at me and tell me that I needed to lose weight. I don't think I've ever had someone make me feel that bad about myself since I was in middle school. I'm not skinny, but I'm not morbidly obese either. It just really hurt my feelings having this guy tell me I'm not skinny enough to be considered pretty enough to be a waitress at his club.
Another thing is, that guy doesn't know how hard I've been working to lose weight. That guy doesn't know the terrible things I say to myself because I'm not as skinny as I think I should be. I hate to think that maybe that was the trigger I needed. I'm not all about thinspo and I never have been, but having that guy say what he did to be makes me wonder if other people think the same thing when they look at me. That I'd be prettier if I were skinnier.
I felt awful about myself and I can't believe it.